Real, or Not Real?

I feel the tension in my DNA right now. It does not like that it doesn't know in advance how my debts will be paid this month...next month...

But my spirit...my spirit loves faith.

It loves that I just packed up my apartment of 14 years and let go of the key - by faith.

That I painlessly let go of over half of my belongings - by faith.

That I let go of these earthly "anchors" in my beloved Starlight City and moved back to The Enchanted Wood - by faith.

What faith?

Faith that "You will see my 'sacrifice' and commend me as righteous for it?" No. I AM already righteous. Completely. You can't taint or improve what our Champion has perfected.

No...not faith in my behavior...but in Your character, Father.

I believe - and know - that I'm not the one who expanded my dreams to be a Storyteller in Starlight City. You did. Because Your heart for me was bigger than a few years touring with a religious caravan only to eventually settle in a small village selling plots of land.

I believe - and know - that driving through Silver Hills, I felt home, and had a vision of my house and husband there. And that You confirmed this through your Ancient Text, and Your Spirit, and a Sage.

So I knew that even if I let go of my abode and possessions in Starlight City for a season, there is a house in Silver Hillshire, within Starlight City, and all that comes with it...waiting for me at the Good time.

I know and see more of my actual story than my DNA likes to admit. It wants to only claim to know what its physical eyes can see. But I see and know so much more than that. And I know what my physical eyes see is often not even real in the way my DNA thinks it is. The meaning it puts on things it sees is often more fantasy...than what others claim my inner knowing is:

My DNA "sees" coin in my chest and then "knows" I can pay a debt coming up. But that is all fantasy. It's fake. Because my work cart could break down and need that coin to fix it instead of paying that bill. My DNA "sees" my employer wants to double my hours- "so my debts each month are covered!" Fake. The meaning I gave to that fact proved to be fantasy; he decided not to double my hours after all.

So why am I attaching more meaning to facts that my eyes see...instead of the substance of Your kind heart that is....actually...always true.

The meaning I give to facts and circumstance is rarely true.

The substance and structure and stability of your Good Heart - towards me- is always true.

Help me - dear Spirit. Renew my mind. Help me to see facts and circumstance as the real phantoms, and the Architect's heart- my Father's heart for me- as the true substance.

The substance I stand on, build from, decide from....

...rest in.